What an interesting day. I am calm yet the storm brews within my head and heart. I tried to discuss this "open" deal with my fiance. He says he made part of it because if he hangs out with someone and winds up having sex with them, he didn't want to feel guilty. He promises to be home more and try more. I am trying, but I am also trying to let him know that I just need to know things for stability in my life. I don't know if he wants to take things slow for awhile, if so just say that. He won't give the same affection he used to and he won't say I love you. Really that is the bit of hope I want. I really hope this is just him wanting to hang out and do things without responsibility until things get better. I just really wish things would go back to what they were where we spent time together (and yes I need to respect when he wants to do other things) and we were very affectionate and loving to each other. Maybe I am rushing it, but I hope he will come around more and more and more. He talks about life plans and future ideas. I keep praying to God.
As for my therapy session, it went well. I can tell you I am trying to keep a positive mindset and have a lot of hope. I might have to go to some dark spaces to learn how to pull myself out of things. She was impressed how I can get feedback from people about how I "might come across" even though some people know I am not like that. I will try to keep myself busy somehow and wait it out and see what God has in store.
Did a late workout after he left tonight and about to enjoy some warm soup for dinner. Might try some yoga and meditation tonight. I could really use it.
