I cannot remember my last post (duh look at the dates), LOL. Life is okay right now. I am busy at work, being I work at a gym and it's new year and all. The fiance has stay with me the last few nights and even slept in the same bed. He isn't the same loving guy when we first started, but sometimes during the night he will put his arm around me and that just gives me so much hope that there is something still there. He is not spending many weekends at the house, which I hate, because I want to do things with him. I feel if we do "dates" it will help spark what used to be there. I have done so much for him and I would like to get back to that loving feeling. Anytime I want to give, something keeps me from doing so. Maybe I am out of my head for going along with how things are. We have been intimate twice in the last 2 weeks, he initiated. I should stop him, but I just can't. I love being with him in many aspects including sexually.
But TMI for now, let's move onto other business. I have heard rumors as a child about my dad having an older daughter (what I have an older sister?!). Well those rumors are true and that sister contacted me tonight while I was at work. She is not much older (few months maybe) and also battles a traumatic life and some effects from that. I hope we can continue talking more and maybe be each other's support. I was talking to a cousin I grew up with, but we have not had contact in a few days. She also went through a bad event and needed support. I believe those that suffer so much want to reach out for help, but feel they can't. I also believe those same want to help each other, but have a hard time feeling when to step in and when to back off. I usually feel bad because I try to help and sometimes turn it around on me. That is the only problem with like minds is sometimes we cannot break those cycles. Yet we all understand each other and tolerate the dumb/sad/angry stuff that comes out of our mouths and minds. I think sometimes that is all we need, someone to understand.
Well I am hoping holding out for a little more time will help bring the relationship back together. I would like to start doing something, even if we just did a movie. Pray and cross your fingers for me.
